Apologies for the delay getting this blog post online (I was hoping to post this on New Years Day), but on New Years Eve my trusty 2011 MacBook Pro died a horrible, painful death and stopped working……….for good! No bootup, nothing. Not even a trip to Jordan at the Apple Genius Bar could save the day so my ‘old friend’ is to be scrapped (once I’ve figured out how to remove the hard drive which contains all the music I’ve ever owned and about 12,000 photos!)

So in the meantime I’ve been scratching around looking for a cheap replacement that can fill the void until the new iPad Pro 2 comes out in March/April. The problem is, and if you’ve read my previous blog post about how long it took me to choose a smart trainer you’ll know this, it’s pretty clear that my ability to over research something might mean I don’t end up with a new one until 2018! (I’m sooooooooo slow at making a decision)

Whilst I take until laptops are obsolete and we are ruled by the lizard people to make a final decision I’m going to be using my work laptop to update this blog.

So what am I going to be talking about today, well essentially I’m going to be putting myself ‘out there’ and discussing how, since September, I’ve put on a load of weight and become a bit of a fat fuck! Nice topic eh? Basically I’m going to use this blog entry to body shame myself into losing a bucket load of weight by telling you all how bad things have got so that I’m accountable to you, my reader……sorry I meant ‘readers’!

Back in September 2016 when I rode the Rise Above Sportive I weighed in as follows:

13st 7lbs (old British measurement)
189lbs (American measurement)
85.7kgs (European measurement)

Now I’m 6′ 1″ tall (185cm) so all in all that’s not too bad. Granted I would have liked to have been nearer 82 kgs, but I was happy with where I was and I’d done plenty of training. The ride went really well so I was pleased with my cycling progress in 2016 and was already looking forward to 2017. Unfortunately Christmas has now been and gone and when I got on the scales on the 1st January this is what I was confronted with (once the scales had stopped screaming at me to get off):


15st 10lbs (Jesus how did that happen?)
220lbs (These scales must be broken!)
99.9kgs (Sarah our bathroom scales are totally fucked!)


Oooooooops! Apparently it looked like over the last 3 months I’ve tried to eat my way into doing a passable impression of Santa Claus himself. I even took photos so that I could get the full effect in glorious technicolour and use them to visualise my weight loss progress over the coming months. Luckily for you I’m not including them in this blog post as I want to retain some degree of personal dignity and I’d like to know that you were able to keep your dinner down.


Now I have to admit that I have a massive sweet tooth and I like a beer so my downfall can be attributed to any of the following:

Red Bull
Alcohol (beer/wine/spirits I’m not fussy!)
Matlow drumstick lollies (don’t knock them until you’ve tried them)
Walls Viennetta (the 1980s called and asked for their ice cream dessert back)
Quality Street/Roses/Heroes/Celebrations
Mince Pies with squirty cream
Any general cake products

I could go on, but you’ll all be bored and I’ll just end up feeling hungry.

Luckily there is a solution to this lard infused nightmare in the form of my bike, Zwift, the great outdoors and the fact that Sarah is doing a 3 month body transformation program at her gym (not that she needs it in any shape or form – The woman can deadlift 105kgs for crying out loud!)

What it does mean is that we’ll be eating the same fresh, home cooked low fat meals over the coming months whilst completely cutting out sugar, alcohol, dairy and carbohydrates (bring on the cranium splitting headaches!) You’ve probably just read that and thought ‘Yeah right, in your dreams Sunshine!’, but we did the same thing last year for a month and I lost over a stone in weight which I was able to maintain for the next 6 months until the wheels came off the healthy living truck in spectacular fashion in October (fundamentally I’m just a weak person who can’t help gorging on shit food!)

There I’ve done it, I’ve drawn a line in the sand and I’m committed to the process of losing the weight. I’ll check back with updates when I have something to shout about, but until then my life will consist of cycling and a diet of dust……………..Oooooh is that a Black Forest gateau?




Posted by itsallaboutthebikeblog

One Comment

  1. Great, honest and entertaining post Matt. We’ve all been there…going through the same at the mo. A few kgs to lose – with you all the way



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